Last week I was interviewed by the legendary journalist Poorna Bell for a piece in the Independent’s theipaper/iNews in light of it being a year since Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code – the act that criminalised homosexuality – was repealed. As a pansexual, non binary being of Indian ancestry, I answered a series of questions, but the piece only used a portion of the interview, so I wanted to share my answers in full here, as I put so much effort into them and this is the first time I am really communicating this publicly.
The image featured is by my brother and LGBTQ+ ally Oz Thakkar.
Name, profession, where you live.
Hey Poorna, I’m recording artist NEO 10Y, I also go by Nikhil and Nik Thakkar depending on how you know me. I was born in London and have Indian / Gujarati heritage.
You identify as non-binary – could you explain to people what that means?
Identifying as non-binary for me is a cognitive awareness that we are spiritual beings taking on human form, and although my physical body is male and I would never appropriate womanhood, I am critically aware that my spirit consists of both “male” and “female” energies and I identify as non binary and pansexual with the aim of deconstructing gender based violence and discrimination. If more humans understood this, I think society would move forward towards a peaceful reality much quicker. Performance and dress code have little do with it for me as I am also post materialist.
3Being gay and South Asian can be challenging given the conservatism of our community – could you talk me through your story – what that was like growing up – were you able to be open about your identity?
Looking back, I was less than 10 years old when I realised that I had the capacity to be attracted to a human regardless of what gender they were, but it wasn’t event a concept. There was little to no conversation about queerness in media or culture when I was that age and it was something I naturally suppressed because it is what society suppressed. I certainly had no concept that queerness existed in ancient Indian cultures since the beginning of time but the fabric of this freedom was destroyed by colonialism. Had I known that, I think I would have been more accepting of myself and my journey. I wasn’t. My school was also really homophobic and gay jokes were the norm. This kid used to call me “woman”, in a mocking way but clearly he was more woke than I was in hindsight. LOL.
I suppressed my feelings until I went to university where I felt more freedom within my intersections, but it was also there that I cut my name in half which I only realised in recent years was a way to become more racially ambiguous, get more work in an inherently racist society and avoid questions about my intersections which I now actually consider my super powers.
The Indian things that have stayed with me for life are yoga, ancient Indian philosophy, kundalini and moody old Bollywood songs. I’m also vegan and eat compassionately and consciously. I think this inherently comes from my intersections and striving to understanding oppression in all forms.
What was your coming out story and were you worried about acceptance? How did you explain it to your family?
My parents are East African Asian and were mostly educated here so maybe it was easier than other Desi kids who had parents more affected by colonialism. I came out really casually as bisexual on the phone to my mum and then I called my dad and then the next time I went to see them, I came armed with scientific reports and research to back myself up, proving that homosexuality is normal in all species. They accepted it pretty quickly.
I also reminded them of a story of a married man that they knew who spent years being dishonest with his wife and kids because of his closeted reality and how his story ended in chaos. I just wanted to be honest about my reality. That’s helped me a lot.
I believe that sexuality is a spectrum and the more we all accept our pansexuality and the understanding that we are able to express love to different types of humans, the faster we will deconstruct the problematic elements associated with sexuality based violence in society.
After coming out though with all my scientific facts and a story of love, my parents were pretty chilled. They always go with love first and are pretty woke, but I distanced myself from the extended family. I assumed everyone wouldn’t accept me and so I refused to accept them. A little of that has stayed with me, but today I don’t think they care that much and I am prouder of my existence than ever before so much more chilled going to family events.
I’m now in a place where I can bring home my boyfriend to extended family dinners and my grandma says cute things like, “you’re my grandson too” to him.
When you become a somewhat known person because of your creative accolades it makes being queer a super power all of a sudden – and not a weakness, so if anyone wants to start with me about it, I have plenty of comebacks about freedom and honesty. I know this is not the case for everyone which is why I want to use any privilege that I might have to talk about this more and shift perceptions in the wider community.
The LGBTQ+ community, particularly the cis gay community still suffers from a racism issue and honestly, there are still plenty of problematic gays who don’t want Asian people because of certain stereotypes implemented by the violence of entertainment, the Apu syndrome. F*ck them. You don’t want to share your energy with those types of regressive people anyway.
Now I know my power is in my intersections and I’ve never been prouder to be myself.
What are your thoughts around section 377 and the repealing of it?
377 was torture for an entire nation because of colonialism that the UK has never acknowledged or taken responsibility for. I was on the verge of shooting with a company to create a film to showcase, but once it was repealed, they chose not to pursue it further even though a bigger story about what impact it had on India, solely because of homophobic bigots and colonialism still needs to be told to the British public so that we can ALL collectively move forward.
I was really sad to research the violence caused by 377 in India to our queer and trans siblings and at the exact same time it was legal to have gay marriage here. Wild.
What challenges have you overcome to be able to be the person you are – what made it harder and what could have made it easier?
I feel like I’ve spent years deconstructing reality to be proud to be myself in all forms. I had no role models growing up which is why I want to be that role model for kids today. You can live a kind and compassionate life, create anything you want and be proud of all your intersections.
Self acceptance is hard no matter who you are, but in this colonial built society, before wokeness and conversations even like the one you and I are having existed, it was much harder to accept your intersections and marginal identity.
It would have been easier if society was more honest and I am eternally grateful for social media and the work of LGBTQ+ activists globally who have really made it much easier for us to be ourselves today.
Any last thoughts or anything else you’d like to say?
I truly do believe that my intersections are my super powers and I have never been so happy to be myself. I believe I’m using my voice as an artist to evolve culture and thinking, to push boundaries and reinvent the glass ceiling.
On October 10, I have a song called Stan Yourself coming out which embodies this message of self acceptance and self realisation, so that we can collectively save the world. The song is accompanied by a 10-point manifesto / plan for world peace that I have created.